Time with my why
Like many others and 2020 has caused great time of reflection. It is so very true we are ever growing and evolving. This time has afforded me time to purge both outwardly and inwardly.
My physical procedure has caused me to lose weight thank God, it was very much needed for health reasons. So I started my purge with what made sense something simple, my closets. In my closet I found things that had no purpose. Things I held onto for the sake of having. Things I hadn't even seen in years. Shoes for health reasons I would never walk in again but I still had them why?...... the fear the wound of not having had resurfaced, so I kept these things purposeless things, things catch this that I didn't even like for the sake of having. At 40 plus years old here I was the wounded unknowingly from my past.
As I tossed out, packed up and gave things away for days I took time to look at my why.
I took the time and really sat with my thoughts. Some wounds get pushed aside but not healed and we move forward under the impression we've healed or as we like to say outgrown it. I looked at all that I had accumulated and hadn't purged myself of. I looked at the process I hadn't completed and allowed it to take place. The empty place those things once occupied is a space I consciously look upon to acknowledge and be ok.
In my purging I also went through some old photos. Some I chose to completely destroy because of the memories they held but one particular picture stood out.
A little over a year ago in North Carolina teaching a class someone took a picture of me. I laughed at the picture because I put thought into what I would wear because I was on an assignment. "THAT DAY" I thought I looked cute on THIS DAY in a new place I see the unhealthy place. Not just the physical but all that was behind the physical. 2019 held so many new and great experiences but I'd spent the year busy doing and not living. To the point if I'm honest some experiences I cant fully recall.
We must be present in life. Conscious of interactions and action with purpose. Not just doing but living. Acknowledging and completing our healing process. What good is an assignment not completed...... That's like having an almost fully cooked cake but serving it to others. Acknowledging the presence of our wounds and the brokenness behind them frees us. It's ok to say, I'm not there yet or I don't have.
The healing process may hurt but tending to your wounds eases the pain. Nothing continually covered can heal or grow. Remove the bandages and tends to your wound embrace your healing.
Today take time with your why? Take time with your inner thoughts, take time to hear God. Allow time for healing to come. We are ever growing beings. With growth comes breaks and tears. Embrace all on your journey that makes you uniquely you. #ShakenForRestoration
I recently had surgery on the surgeon said to me don't be fooled your wounds will heal on the outside you will physically look better but internally you still have to go through the process of healing. And it won't be a quick process and though I heard him I didn't listen I didn't listen until about a month later when I moved a certain way and felt a painful pull in the very place of my wound and a it hit me my process was not over.
It's ironic my reality of process was allowed to fall in line with the time of this pandemic, with the time of this world tragedy, a time that called for stillness. What better time would it be to Purge.My physical procedure has caused me to lose weight thank God, it was very much needed for health reasons. So I started my purge with what made sense something simple, my closets. In my closet I found things that had no purpose. Things I held onto for the sake of having. Things I hadn't even seen in years. Shoes for health reasons I would never walk in again but I still had them why?...... the fear the wound of not having had resurfaced, so I kept these things purposeless things, things catch this that I didn't even like for the sake of having. At 40 plus years old here I was the wounded unknowingly from my past.
As I tossed out, packed up and gave things away for days I took time to look at my why.
I took the time and really sat with my thoughts. Some wounds get pushed aside but not healed and we move forward under the impression we've healed or as we like to say outgrown it. I looked at all that I had accumulated and hadn't purged myself of. I looked at the process I hadn't completed and allowed it to take place. The empty place those things once occupied is a space I consciously look upon to acknowledge and be ok.
In my purging I also went through some old photos. Some I chose to completely destroy because of the memories they held but one particular picture stood out.
A little over a year ago in North Carolina teaching a class someone took a picture of me. I laughed at the picture because I put thought into what I would wear because I was on an assignment. "THAT DAY" I thought I looked cute on THIS DAY in a new place I see the unhealthy place. Not just the physical but all that was behind the physical. 2019 held so many new and great experiences but I'd spent the year busy doing and not living. To the point if I'm honest some experiences I cant fully recall.
We must be present in life. Conscious of interactions and action with purpose. Not just doing but living. Acknowledging and completing our healing process. What good is an assignment not completed...... That's like having an almost fully cooked cake but serving it to others. Acknowledging the presence of our wounds and the brokenness behind them frees us. It's ok to say, I'm not there yet or I don't have.
The healing process may hurt but tending to your wounds eases the pain. Nothing continually covered can heal or grow. Remove the bandages and tends to your wound embrace your healing.
Today take time with your why? Take time with your inner thoughts, take time to hear God. Allow time for healing to come. We are ever growing beings. With growth comes breaks and tears. Embrace all on your journey that makes you uniquely you. #ShakenForRestoration
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