Evening thoughts

 Grief 

The killer of motivation, the killer of dreams, it will silence your prayers, block your hearing and cloud your vision. Even the good that transpires will be overshadowed with the heaviness that looms in the background of your heart and mind. 

So much tragedy had hit. Not just my personal home but the nation as a whole. We've become accustomed to death, the announcements and loss. It's weekly visit familiar and now not so unexpected. Sadly desensitizing.

We've lost the compassion and heart for Gods people that doesn't allow them to dwell in grief but does allow time to heal. We've forgotten the seat we once occupied broken. We've forgotten to be there not just in prayer. We've lost the being in human being replaced it with absence and avoidance. 

I once told someone avoiding the topic that my child existed doesn't mean he didn't exist nor does it erase the hurt of his absence. It's an ease for you not me, let me process as I must for as long as I must. 

This wave of grief not just for myself but for many in 2020 has opened a door I have never experienced or maybe wasnt conscious enough to realize. Many operating on autopilot watching ourselves operate, watching ourselves just doing and being but not really. 

Knowing what to do or better yet not quite knowing what to do....... God break this chain. 

Grief a bondage that will release anger and destructive venom where there was once peace and positivity. A place where sight sees calamity before seeing productivity. A place of physical pain with no source except heartbreak. Its amazing how a broken heart can effect your limbs, muscles and organs. Awakenings you from sleep gasping for breath, soaked in sweat from running in your dreams crying Jesus be my peace. 

I've come to realize many want to monitor your time and process of grief. How dare anyone gage the emotion and heartache of another. 

Lord send peace to your people........break this chain. #ShakenForRestoration

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