Brown girl
I grew up in a very large family. 34 maternal first cousins. 18 first paternal cousins. Of my maternal family here in New York there weren't a lot of us. 15 to be exact, 5 female. I occasionally saw the rest of our family (once a year) but the core of my interaction was the 15 and most times 7 out of the 15. Of the 8 of us here I was the only brown skinned child and so I automatically stood out. I grew up in an abusive home and so I didn't speak much and didn't have what my cousins or few friends had. Another reason I stood out. None of these things could of my doing be changed and so began my brown girl woes.
I was overlooked and I'm not even sure in this stage of life it was intentional. Sadly I believe it was a social based expression. Colorism is something sadly most dont even know they are participants in. Generational, my mother in jest would be referred to as blacky by one of her aunts and here I am 2 to 3 shades darker than she.
It wasn't just the adults, children say horrible things to one another. Some of my earliest memories were jokes or what others interpreted as jokes...... you're so black, aren't those so & so's clothes, _________ really messed you up and the worst you know you were an accident, you're not even supposed to be here.
How exactly does a 7 year old combat those verbal blows. You don't, you accept it as truth. And it would appear true when the words at home were most often "you get on my nerves, you're just like your father". So invisibility became my super power. No one attacks what they can't see right.
I remember in 5th grade I had a teacher Mr. V. Mr. V was the first one to notice ME. He would often say your a peculiar child. He encouraged my love for reading, my love for writing, he encouraged the things that made me different. He didn't taunt me for those things he taught me to embrace them and that they were my gifts. Someone had finally given me the sense I existed.
Words are truly one of our greatest forces. They can be a gift or a curse. My experiences taught me to speak life, speak light, speak victory into the lives of the ones behind. We can make or break the next generation with word curses. Be ever so careful what you feed the generations that come behind you. The seeds we plant today create our tomorrow. #ShakenForRestoration
I was overlooked and I'm not even sure in this stage of life it was intentional. Sadly I believe it was a social based expression. Colorism is something sadly most dont even know they are participants in. Generational, my mother in jest would be referred to as blacky by one of her aunts and here I am 2 to 3 shades darker than she.
It wasn't just the adults, children say horrible things to one another. Some of my earliest memories were jokes or what others interpreted as jokes...... you're so black, aren't those so & so's clothes, _________ really messed you up and the worst you know you were an accident, you're not even supposed to be here.
How exactly does a 7 year old combat those verbal blows. You don't, you accept it as truth. And it would appear true when the words at home were most often "you get on my nerves, you're just like your father". So invisibility became my super power. No one attacks what they can't see right.
I remember in 5th grade I had a teacher Mr. V. Mr. V was the first one to notice ME. He would often say your a peculiar child. He encouraged my love for reading, my love for writing, he encouraged the things that made me different. He didn't taunt me for those things he taught me to embrace them and that they were my gifts. Someone had finally given me the sense I existed.
Words are truly one of our greatest forces. They can be a gift or a curse. My experiences taught me to speak life, speak light, speak victory into the lives of the ones behind. We can make or break the next generation with word curses. Be ever so careful what you feed the generations that come behind you. The seeds we plant today create our tomorrow. #ShakenForRestoration
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