.

During a time of transition one of my sisters in ministry coined the phrase alone together and when I saw this picture the two things paralleled. Children instinctively love their parents. No matter the roller coaster home life may be younger children especially have an unconditional love for their parents. My mother and I didnt have a good relationship as I grew up. I believe the abuse or disfunction she went through was so embedded in her to a point she herself didnt see it. Some decisions she made and actions she took never seemed to come from a place of love but more out of anger and disappointment. As an adult when I attempted to have conversation of the things that have occurred she looks at me as though she has no idea about what I'm saying. These conversations would make me livid. We must be cautious because the very things we are accustomed to, those things that have shaped us are what we pass on to others sometimes unknowingly. And so I've grown to be ok even in t...

I've said this several times in the past few weeks and the question remains, where is the village? We have heard the defund the police rants, the police hate rants but where are the rants of those against our own race rants. The rants against self hate because truly if your brother or sister is destroyed at your hand its self hate. After all we are a reflection of one another. Yes we are in the midst of systematic and governmental racism but let's not negate the race hate we possess. I know this is so taboo to say but we have to be honest with ourselves if we plan as a people to evolve. We wonder why the black lives matter movement has been tainted but we dont respect/value our own. Black lives must matter to us. Support, ending violence, encouraging, endorsing each other is a mandate we have put down. I cant help but think the demise of our people also seems from the fact we have lost the village. One of the very things that kept the previous generations and we need desp...

I was recently asked why I had chosen a blog as a means of sharing my story, my testimony if you would call it that. Why would I wait all these years? My explanation is simple this is my avenue to share publicly. Not just my story but my thoughts, insight and whatever God has instructed and inspired. However all my post are very personal. See for years I have privately shared things I have gone through and my thoughts with many but the oh too familiar looks of pity, the debates or worst yet disbelief stopped me from sharing more. Who would chose to continually put themselves in that place. However in the last couple of years, 5 to be exact my life was forced into change and so my interactions with people and mindset changed also. How I mentored, how I pastored (at the time), who I was as a friend, how I listened and how I shared then came from a different place. A lot if times from a very surface space then. The death of my bonus father followed by the death of my natural father ...

For for whatever unknown reason people seem to come to me to inquire about marriage. I far from have all the answers but recently thinking brought me to thoughts of my past. When I got married the first time I was 25 he was 26 both of us living at home with our parents, children of preachers. His father a Bishop, my father an Elder in the Church. Our paths had actually crossed several times without actually crossing. We met dated and so here we were deciding to do it "the right way". I actually have to laugh now at the thought . We got married thinking we were in love. How that is I don't know we weren't together long enough to know one another and we barely knew ourselves. I now believe we got married because we wanted an escape from our realities. Neither of us were prepared for the life we were embarking on. Neither understood the depth of what was before us. Both of us had been raised in one parent homes. The truth if we were both honest today we got married...

Sis the now all too common phrase used in association with strangers. Often used in terms of those we have no connection to and most times are not seeking to connect to. We've separated it from the true connection of sisterhood. Causing a strain and misappropriated placement in our lives. Sisterhood is a phenomenal asset to the lives of women, its existence is needed. Positive sisterhood consist of our loyal tribe of women set in place as strength, power, loyalty, love, correction and true connection. I believe sisterhood to be a mandate in our lives. Intended to nurture the hearts, minds and spirits of one another. The bond that uplifts and encourages. One that empowers. There is however a flip side in sisterhood. Something I like to call sisterhood soul ties. In which some of our loyalties to "sis" have driven us into crisis. Suffering from loyalty or connection that has landed us into personal crisis. Disloyalty to ourselves. Fear of being seen as not being a team ...

I grew up in a very large family. 34 maternal first cousins. 18 first paternal cousins. Of my maternal family here in New York there weren't a lot of us. 15 to be exact, 5 female. I occasionally saw the rest of our family (once a year) but the core of my interaction was the 15 and most times 7 out of the 15. Of the 8 of us here I was the only brown skinned child and so I automatically stood out. I grew up in an abusive home and so I didn't speak much and didn't have what my cousins or few friends had. Another reason I stood out. None of these things could of my doing be changed and so began my brown girl woes. I was overlooked and I'm not even sure in this stage of life it was intentional. Sadly I believe it was a social based expression. Colorism is something sadly most dont even know they are participants in. Generational, my mother in jest would be referred to as blacky by one of her aunts and here I am 2 to 3 shades darker than she. It wasn't just the adults...